I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
His hands were made for my vagina.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
