she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
