When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
