Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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