Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
