My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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