I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
