He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
