What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
