Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
