my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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