Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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