Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
