If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
