i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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