We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
