Soap is not a condiment
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
