wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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