I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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