Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
