Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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