I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're like the curious george of whores
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
