hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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