its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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