Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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