So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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