New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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