Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
