Please, let me fuck your mom
I think my fart just growled at me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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