I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
