You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
