"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
