omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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