We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
