i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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