You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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