Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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