So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sobbing to NWA
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
