I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
