I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
