I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
