Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
