i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
