Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
