hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
