I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
