Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
