bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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