Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize