he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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