yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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