everyone is single if you try hard enough
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
