Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
two words: eviction party
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
