carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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