Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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