You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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