just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
