Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
