Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
