I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
