My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
