she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
