Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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