You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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