if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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