i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
