You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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