He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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