Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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