o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
