You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
