i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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