oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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